The Calm between the storms

I don’t know how to write a short inspirational Instagram post so I decided to copy and paste it into my non-blog that kinda hides out. Maybe one person will be encouraged by this as it’s not the fully story... I keep trying to write it all, but it’s SO HARD, so many other things I’d rather do. And, this is too long for a post...

So here is some back story that I feel is safe to share publicly. I’m careful, because I believe that to honor someone means to always speak kindly TO, and ABOUT them Even if you don’t like or respect them sometimes.

What’s going on in my mind and heart and life mostly surrounds my dad. Long story short, he showed me what God was like when I was young. He was good and kind and loving and gentle. He stayed home with me while my mom had to go back to work (cuz he’d been laid off when the company he worked for had to close down). He chose to build his own insurance business and was essentially my stay at home mom while he did that. He read his bible, quoted scripture, took us to church on Sundays and if I needed to just sit and cry for no reason he’d hold me until I was done. He was just GOOD. So good.

But one day while dropping me off at school he told me he didn’t think marriage was forever for him, but that he wouldn’t leave my mom until I graduated high school..... (Insert a lot of thoughts here).

And, since EFT Tapping has been given so much credit for my overcoming anxiety, I’ll add that this was the moment that my subconscious grabbed onto when I no longer felt SAFE. I learned in my 30s that, that moment held a new belief that I couldn’t count on things staying GOOD. I would have to wait until they turned bad. That I’d be expected to accept the unacceptable and then walk into a crowd and smile.

Dad ended up leaving when I was a sophomore. He wasn’t the same anymore, he hadn’t been for a while, and it was confusing to my young spirit who loved and looked up to him. I dealt.